I was out the last day with a friend of mine for dinner. We got ourselves a nice table, ordered wine and starters. And then we started talking…

And then, it happened!!! I ‘passed out’ for a sec. (READ: wasn’t listening to what she was saying… was thinking how beautiful she looked in candlelight… Oh!!! how her lips moved…  Oh God!!! She is saying something…)

When I recovered, I found myself with a weird smile fixed on my face, nodding my head. But wait…. she wasn’t talking anymore… And then it came…

She said, “Whatever….”

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God help those posed with this word unawares. These were the scenarios I had seen it used before:

1. Do not disturb me

I was visiting my friend. While he was busy completing his Ph.D. thesis, I popped this question.

Me: Can I take a couple of beers and chips home, dude?

Friend: Whatever

2. I am way out of your league/not interested

This was something I witnessed. John Doe does not translate to Renji John. I was just an innocent by-stander watching this disaster of a pick-up line bring him down.

John Doe: Hi… My name is John “Lover Boy” Doe… What’s your name, pumpkin?

The girl at the bar: Whatever.

3. What you are saying is plain stupid

Another John Doe scenario. A different one, of course.

John Doe2: Did you know fish can fall in love?

The girl at another bar: Whatever.

4. A genuine grammar-textbook bred question

I have never seen this used by the teenagers of this era.

Holmes: Whatever did she mean by that, Dr. Watson?

Watson: Beats me, Sherlock Holmes.

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Now which of these was it? Go with Number 3… Go with Number 3…

She muttered, “Renji, I thought you liked Oasis…”

So… It was an innocent video this time… Phewww….

My Bad!!!

Lessons learnt:

If you just happened to have been thrown the “whatever” flavored dog bone by a girl, then dear dog-head, try to jump at the least damaging conclusion of all.

If the girl was asking you to move on in life and you continue talking to her about a music video, it “MIGHT” (the caps and quote marks on purpose there!!!) help you come across as a persistent, good-humored positive thinker who just doesn’t get it.

A recap of (just the boring part of) our dinner conversation:

Her: This is a nice place for a good conversation. [She smiled...Oh... What a beautiful smile?]

Me: So let’s start one… What did you do today? [Oh God.. how cheesy could that be?]

This is where my mind wandered

Her: Well… I worked out in the morn… Got to office… U know what? It was just another normal day at office… ALTHOUGH… I did get to check out a video of Oasis.

back online…

Her: Whatever

[Awkward silence]

Her: Renji, I thought you liked Oasis…

Me: Yeah yeah… ‘Course I do… [Did I just wag my tail too? Take it easy, boy!!!]